I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
