In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My bed smells like the plague
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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