I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
