Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
zippers are such a cool invention
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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