why didn't you poke me back
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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