My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
