I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
