somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
