I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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