I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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