And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
