And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
