I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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