Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
