just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
