this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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