well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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