do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
