Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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