my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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