I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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