Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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