I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
