told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
