By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
