so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
