so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
