highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
