you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
