I hate your face
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
