the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
