Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
