How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
