How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think people are normalizing furries
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
