she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
