i love accidental penises.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
