I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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