Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
