I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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