I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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