I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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