Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
