nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
