Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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