I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well you can't waste a boner
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
