we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
