Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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