what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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