Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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