I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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