go do what you do best...puke behind churches
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
